squeeze is all I ask… please?  I really hate it when I’m talking to someone and they have a small pimple that is just so ready to pop and all I want to do is lean over, pop it, and move along my day.  I know that’s gross but I just can’t take it.  I’m forever looking for blackheads on my face and removing them and want to do it to the world.  I guess I don’t understand how people can just leave them there…. white… (or black to be fair) and not pop them.  If you can’t do it, call me in!  I’ll do it.

Ever since I have had to change blogs, names, locations, etc., I have lost some of my motivation.  I feel I lost a lot of readers with the move since I couldn't put a "I've changed names" link on my old site thanks to co-workers.  And honestly, I have some great things to write about but you know what? I forget.  I'm walking along thinking "I so gotta write about this" and then when I sit down to write I think "now, what was that???".  Thanks kids!!  I have two blogs actually.  I keep my other one totally focused on salsa dancing and maybe that's the problem. I'm torn. Split identity.  I'm not even a gemini so maybe that's what is causing me issues.  I like my other blog better than this one though so do I give this up completely? No. I don't think so.  People actually love my translation of Fotografia and thank me regularly for it.  Maybe I should integrate more dancing things on this site but I know that the 1-2 people who do read this site don't dance so it wouldn't be interesting to them.  But am I writing for them?  No.  I'm writing for me.  *sigh* 

There is nothing like seeing someone, who hurt you badly, for the first time since the hurt occured. This person, who was my best friend for close to two years, decided one day she just didn't want to call me back. There is history there. She had been pregnant but lost her baby. I was pregnant at the same time. Did that play into it? She claimed that wasn't it a few times but who really knows. She was also going to give me a baby shower. It didn't work out since she never put the date I requested on her calendar or whatever. Maybe that was another reason. I don't know. All I know is that my best friend decided one day to never call me again and it hurt. I had my baby. My mom left. I had no one other than my husband. My salsa friends weren't around at that time since I lost touch with most of them. And really – I had no one else.So last night she came in and at first, acted like we were long lost friends. Uh. Whateva. She talked to me for a couple of minutes and then I think, she got the hint. I had already discussed what I would do with a friend of mine and that helped. I was already prepared to ignore her. So I did.

I could just hear her saying things like "oh, look at her with her friends thinking she's so cool" or "she so shouldn't have worn that shirt – its all sweaty and looks bad. (which was true)" or "She sure needs to lose more weight!" or any other number of things. She would talk bad about anyone and everyone. No one was ever safe so I know I wasn't last night. No matter. I'm over it. She can go to that joint anytime she wants and if I'm there, no problem. She'll just be another person in the bar that I don't know and don't care to know.

Over my lifetime I have attempted to stop biting my nails numerous times.  I have had the habit since I was little so needless to say, it isn’t easy.  When I was pregnant, both times, my nails grew due to the prenatal vitamins and I basically stopped but it never lasted because when I’m tired and stressed out, I’m the worst. 

So one day as I’m checking out FreeCycle I see someone is giving away a bottle of ‘Bite it’.  It is the stuff you put on your nails that both helps keep them strong AND tastes bitter.  More than bitter.  Just awful.  I tried this in high school but it never really took.  I figured I should give it another try.  It has worked. My nails are growing and my fingers definitely look better.  However, that stuff does NOT come off.  It kind of permiates through the nail onto the skin.  And if I accidentally get my fingers near my mouth, ick.  I then have it on my lips. Or because I’m such an orally fixated person, I have pens in my mouth (only my own) and because I may have touched the pen on my finger tips, the pen tastes like that.  So not only am I breaking my finger/nail biting habit, I am also working on the pen habit as well.  Almost like a double whammy.  I attempted to take the stuff off with nail polish remover last night and it seemed to work a little bit but its still there.

So its working. I’m tired of it but it works. And I guess that’s the point. So one day you may see me with an actual manicure – something I haven’t had since my wedding.